Who am I to try and help anyone during a struggle? Who am I to show anyone to Christ? Who am I to tell people how to be positive and let their lights shine? Answer, I am no one, BUT GOD!
The truth is I've known OF God my entire life, but not until recently have I actually met Him, became friends with Him, and started a daily courtship with Him. I knew God enough to have asked Him at a very young age to come into my heart and forgive me of my sins. I was raised Assembly of God, which is like Pentecostals but the hair is not quite as big and we ate more like Baptists. As I got older I learned how to name drop me some Jesus when I figured it would get me more holier invitations to events, like that one girls bible study that like everyone was talking about. I would even tell people I would pray for them and for them to have a blessed day! I'm sure I had some kind of cross necklace and possibly something with a bible verse on it hanging from my rearview mirror. I can say I was never brave enough to adhere a Jesus fish or a sticker to what church I attended to my car because well I tend to have some road rage and a shameful addiction to 90's rap. Lord bless me!
About 4 months ago God began a work in me. Like a REAL work in me. I finally hit rock bottom. Lower than rock bottom. The most devastating, soul crushing, gut wrenching, wishing my life was over, season of my entire life. And to be honest the season isn't over. BUT GOD. At the bottom of that pit is where God found me, or should I say where I finally found Him. Really found Him. I surrendered, (with the help of an a amazing counselor/mentor/tribe sista), I gave it ALL to God. Do you want to know what the hardest part of that was? Not picking it back up!
I like to be in control. If something needs to be done, I'll handle it! I had to do everything MY way. I wanted things planned out. Weekly plans, monthly plans, 5 year plans, 20 years plans, your plans, their plans, everything would just be easier if everyone would do things the way I had them PLANNED! I mean really its for their own good, right? My God, in his amazing daddy way, just patted me on the head, took all of those plans in my adorable, totally organized planner and hands me a post it note that reads.... wait for it... "Be Still". Even typing that I just audibly groaned and put my face in my hands, seriously! Be still? Me? But who how would people know what to do and how to act without my constant assistance and planning??? I've never been a fan of the "P" word. You know, patience. I've always figured that and the whole self control fruits of the spirit were just suggestions and they just didn't suit my palate. Well me and God had one of those "Come to Jesus" meetings where He pretty much told me, THIS is what you have to eat and we'll just sit here until you do! There were fits, a few tantrums, tears, you know typical toddler behavior and finally I caved and took a big bite of patience! Let me just say I'm still chewing! Which keeps my mouth shut!
So I know you've probably heard it before, but honestly, let go, let God. Give it to Him, completely. Rest in what Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) says "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." How reassuring is it to know that our Heavenly Father has plans to give us hope and prosperity? Right now its enough to help this girl lean on God and exhale.
Stuff's getting better...
Love, Faith
Love you, Sister.
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